What Gun Should I Buy For My Wife or Girlfriend or Sister or Daughter or Mother?

One of the most common inquiries I get from men through the CGO contact form is the one mentioned in the title. While well meaning, almost 100% of the time this question involves the man "taking care of" the woman or girl without any input from the female until he buys her what "she needs".

The comments often go something like this when trying to decide what gun they should buy for a female in their lives:

"Well, she has smallish hands and not much experience with handguns, so I'd like her to start out with a small .22 ..... so there's not much recoil. And she can get used to shooting before going to a larger gun and caliber."

Or it may be something like this: "She wants to carry concealed so I'm trying to find her a small revolver like a (insert any small light .38spl thru .357 mag here). She doesn't like recoil, so getting her a small gun is going to be important. Plus she has to be able to conceal it."

Here is one of the all time most frequent assumptions: "I'm going to get her (x,y,z) .380 that she can put in her pocket. And it's important that she has a gun that she can control. I like the "(anything small)" so I thought I'd start her there. I think she'll like the small, controllable size."

Mens' Misconceptions About Guns For Women

I put a couple of pictures of my daughter, Jacquilyn shooting full size or compact size duty pistols. She is under 5' 2" with small hands. No problems gripping everything from a sub-compact pistol, to a Smith and Wesson Model 29, .44 magnum.

Jacquilyn shooting a .40 cal Beretta PX4 Storm

There are lots more variations of these, and nearly all of them are so off base that the only answer I can give to these guys is for them to completely change directions.

Because any man choosing a gun for any woman without that woman's input while deciding on the gun, is a study in off target assumptions about what the woman in their lives will enjoy shooting.

It's an assumption that because he is a man, his decision about her gun without her handling, shooting, or many times even seeing it will be correct.

Because of his maleness. Everything will be ok .....?

Many men, choosing a gun for the woman in their lives have found this out the hard way:

If they don't enjoy shooting it, you can bet they won't bother.

No matter how much they love the man who thought he could pick a gun for her without her testing and input.

No Such Thing As A 'Best Gun' For Women

It's the age-old question from men wanting to know, "What is the best gun for my [whichever female in his life is in focus for a handgun]?

When a man asks me that, I often have the urge to do a deeper search to find out what the man asking it knows, or actually more important, doesn't know. If he doesn't know that's not a question anybody can responsibly answer without knowing who that female is, how she shoots, what her concerns are, it's likely he doesn't know a whole lot about whatever gun he owns and carries.

Jacquilyn on the move

More guns that are useless to the recipient have probably been bought this way than any other way on earth. Because until a woman sees, touches, feels, works the action and shoots a gun, there is nobody (including those closest to her) that can determine what she will shoot successfully and with confidence.

Unfortunately I also get frequent questions from women (not as often as men buying for them) about the "best gun for a woman".

Sadly, there is no such thing.

If I could find this firearm, I would probably become famous very quickly. But that firearm does not, and will not exist because all women are different in size, strength, and most importantly, personality.

A woman's size or the size of her hands not most important

And that last part is what plays the biggest part in a woman deciding on a gun. When it comes down to it, her size is not most important.

The size of her hands is not most important because grip can be adjusted to shoot most common handguns sold to consumers.

The reality is that if a person does not have a significant negative physical attribute that limits them, it's their personality that will determine most dramatically what they will shoot with confidence. And it will determine how much they will work physically to carry the most effective handgun they can manage.

Jacquilyn's Change

My daughter started shooting casually with me when she was 12 and only liked to shoot a 9mm that I told her was "hers". As far as she was concerned anything else was not suitable for shooting.

She went through a few years where she didn't want to shoot much, but at around 15 started to show an interest again. One day she said she would like to shoot some "different stuff" (meaning guns).

So, we took out about everything I owned to let her try it out. When this article was written, her 3 favorite guns are a Taurus 627 .357 magnum, a S&W Model 29 .44 magnum, and a Sig Sauer P220 .45 ACP. And today, she is one of the most careful and competent gun handlers you'll find on any range.

I didn't push. Her personality just emerged.

My wife, on the other hand, is not afraid of larger, more dramatic handguns, but she doesn't care about shooting them. She'll go out with our Group and go through 500 rounds of .22LR put through a Walther P22 pistol.

Personality.

Of all the women that shot with our Group, and every one in any range session since that Group, every one of them is different. They like to shoot various calibers and sizes, while shunning others.

Each with their own personality. It would be impossible for me to pick a "just right" handgun for any of them to carry. I could give them broad advice on quality, but they would each have to try what would eventually work for them.

Guns For Women - The Real Answer

So, this is the answer to everybody for this question.

I can give general advice on quality, dependability, gun size, etc. But there is no way that I ..... or you, can tell what will work for any woman until they do their own tests with the guns in their hands.

If you successfully choose a gun for her any other way, you have been stricken with the greatest focused lightening bolt of luck ever known.

Don't do it. Take her with you and get her input at every stage of the process.

Find a way for her to shoot multiple handguns of various size and caliber. You and she will be able to find a 'best possible' size, shape, and caliber she will be confident with.

Then and only then take her to gun stores to let her hold and verify 'fit' of one of those or a similar gun. When you find it, OFFER it to her, don't tell her "That's what you need."

At that point she has held, shot, and determined what she was most comfortable with.

Let her, and her alone, make the decision about the gun she is about to commit to.

And That is the only way to intelligently choose a gun for a woman. Let her do it.